I am taking a break out of my crazy busy life to write up what I believe to be an important topic of interest, especially to women.
Lately I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about the concept of 'sisterhood'--both religious and secular. I always had an enormously difficult time making female friends. If I made them, I never usually kept them! I never liked relationships based upon superficiality and with women it is no exception. I have 4 blood sisters and I really am grateful for them even if we did have some rocky times over the years. I am super close to one in particular and I am currently not fighting with any of them. :-) With one sister in particular, I can be 100% myself and still feel loved/accepted. I find that that is what we are looking for in friendships/sisterhood. We all need someone to depend on, talk to, listen to, share with and have a "soft place to fall".
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I do not know why I have not made the kind of friendships with women that I desire. Do not get me wrong--I have some wonderful women in my life based upon Muslim sisterhood in particular (although not many at all). Not much out of that realm unfortunately. I find I am taken advantage of too much or we just do not stay in touch or even worse--we do not connect at all on a deep level. Maybe I do not know how to be a good friend. I am not a gossip and I stand by my word unless it is an emergency.
In my desperation for friendship, I thought I would reach out to a women who I know from the Oakland Nature Preserve . She has an unusual facination for animals of the buggy kind (bugs..lol) but whatever. She took me on a tour of the historic area where I am doing research. We went to the historic hotel, had lunch in a cutsey French Style Cafe but did not connect at the deeper level I wanted. She did send me some links which were relevant to my paper. I thanked her and told her it was really great spending time with her that day. She did not respond. Again, I feel shot down but not for long. lol I will say I envy the women who have the kind of friendship where it is ok to call in the middle of the night or when you have a flat tire and need a ride or just because.
I would like to make some more Muslim friendships but I find, not only through my research on converts but in my personal experience that identity plays a huge role within relationships such as this. I find I do not connect on a deep level with non-converts. Am I making myself clear? I hope so because sometimes I do not understand my own self. I am almost always the outsider looking in within the Muslim circle--unless I am among converts. That feeling is not unusual. I just do not know to work within these parameters.
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Finally, the above topic brings me to another arena where I cannot seem to make friends--anthropology circles! Maybe I am too weird even to them--who are "supposed" to be unusual by nature. I struggle to develop friends and go through periods of giving up. I am almost there now once again....
In closing...we have to love this quote from the mother of anthropology!
Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. ~Margaret Mead
Peace..
anthrogeek10
