Blog about a non traditional college student trying to become an anthropologist and struggling to find the right path of spirituality.
Welcome. :)
Welcome to my blog. Here I share my successes and failures along my journey to becoming an anthropologist. My most prominent interest anthropologically are the new approaches to handing food security/healthy eating in the US, particularly in urban "food deserts". I enjoy the Anthropology of Tourism as well; combining food and tourism has scholarly promise. My other interests which have converted into anthropological hobbies of sorts include converts to Islam, diaspora of Muslims, and MENA in general. I also have some interest in historical archaeology.
I welcome comments, discussion and even respectful debating. I will however keep discussions to a respectable level. I reserve the right to ban anyone from this forum.
Monday, February 15, 2010
FAMILY
I am not speaking to my mother any longer. The end.
17 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Hi Anthro, I guess this is the first time for me here, well i am not sure i came here before to comment or not...
Any way, well i know i am nobody to tell you whether you must speak to you mom or not...
But still as you are a muslim now, you know very well we gotta treat them well and talk to them words of kindness even if they are not muslims.
And I guess i am aware that your mom is a evangelical (from your blog and comments) and may probably have issues with you being a Muslim and that may have been a source of this estrangement but every thing is repairable and you must consider keeping the line of communication open, and inshallah you would very soon see your mom respecting your decisions.
To tell you a fact, my wife too didn't like her parents (who were non muslims) for the way they treated her and i was much angrier at them for treating my love very badly, but Alhumdulillah now we all came around the corner, and we speak daily to each other. I can't even believe that once upon a time we hated each other very much. The secret of this is that we all kept lines of communication open.
I know its very very frustrating, but keep your communication lines open and inshallah your mom will understand you...
Just imagine if alone the Prophet(sah) had stopped preaching jut because the people abused him he wouldn't have been successfull, isn't it?
Being a Muslim also means practicing patience. It was never easy but you got to do it, sorry there we don't have any choices...
Forgive me if i went over board i am a bit impulsive when it comes to relationships...
Tiff- Asalamu Alaikum, no matter what the cause...please don't cut your mother off. You know in Islam its haram to sever the relations of the womb. Even if you just call to say hi mom, how you're doing and that's it. It doesn't have to be everyday. Life is short, if your mom dies tomorrow you know you'll be sad. And then will you regret not talking to her? We only get one mother and we have to pass under her feet to get to jannah, whether she's Muslim or not. Love, T
I thought about what you said and your right. I will try and develop more patience and hope that she does decide to accept me as I am. Your right about the Prophet (PBUH). Insh'Allah things will improve. anthrogeek10
Oh, that again. I think I told you that I know a therapist whose evangelical mother drives her crazy, and even intercepts patient phone calls and tells them they don't need therapy they should just put their faith in Jesus.
You must be an irresistible challenge for your mother, in her role as an evangelizer, and mother both. Hopefully you will find a way to not let it bother you so much. In this way it may be a test of your Muslim faith which strengthens it.
Tiff- Masha'Allah that's the right attitude. I knew you had it in you to forgive her. Holding a grudge makes no sense, it just eats you up inside. Insha'Allah you'll find peace and tranquility forgiving her. May Allah reward you with a generous rizq for forgiving your mom and may He guide her to Islam ameen.
:( Well, I had a period of time where I wasn't speaking with my mom either ... but then worked it up to writing letters at least so she knows what's going on in my life. That's as far as I think it'll go with my mom though - it sounds like you're closer to your mom than I am with mine. I agree with the others, try to keep the lines of communication open at least. Maybe minimize situations where she gets under your skin...
Am glad your mom called and wished you, btw belated happy birthday...
One thing i learnt from my life is Mothers can be utterly wrong, they may also end up ruining their children lives but they would always love you. Though at times they may have more rage than required but they would always forget it.
I wish my mother accepts my wife whole heartedly she is still racist to my wife and is very very cold to her when ever she speaks to her, this is really preventing me from further developing the relationship.
Abu Abdullah, Salaam... Thats a real shame and I am sorry about that. I assume your wife would love to develop a close relationship with your mom and that must be painful. In your culture in particular, as in the MENA region, family plays a big part in the social fabric of the society such as respect for parents and elders. I do hope it gets better for you!
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was so nice to hear from my dad.My dad and I talk alot. anthrogeek10
Good about your mom and you taking the high road. One survival tactic is to respond in kind: she is kind so are you; she snubs you, you wait til she comes around; etc.
Hopefully common courtesies and normal rituals will help you maintain your relationship through the difficult times.
17 comments:
Hi Anthro,
I guess this is the first time for me here, well i am not sure i came here before to comment or not...
Any way, well i know i am nobody to tell you whether you must speak to you mom or not...
But still as you are a muslim now, you know very well we gotta treat them well and talk to them words of kindness even if they are not muslims.
And I guess i am aware that your mom is a evangelical (from your blog and comments) and may probably have issues with you being a Muslim and that may have been a source of this estrangement but every thing is repairable and you must consider keeping the line of communication open, and inshallah you would very soon see your mom respecting your decisions.
To tell you a fact, my wife too didn't like her parents (who were non muslims) for the way they treated her and i was much angrier at them for treating my love very badly, but Alhumdulillah now we all came around the corner, and we speak daily to each other. I can't even believe that once upon a time we hated each other very much. The secret of this is that we all kept lines of communication open.
I know its very very frustrating, but keep your communication lines open and inshallah your mom will understand you...
Just imagine if alone the Prophet(sah) had stopped preaching jut because the people abused him he wouldn't have been successfull, isn't it?
Being a Muslim also means practicing patience. It was never easy but you got to do it, sorry there we don't have any choices...
Forgive me if i went over board i am a bit impulsive when it comes to relationships...
Oops. Please share a little more of the cause of this decision when you feel up to it.
Tiff- Asalamu Alaikum, no matter what the cause...please don't cut your mother off. You know in Islam its haram to sever the relations of the womb. Even if you just call to say hi mom, how you're doing and that's it. It doesn't have to be everyday. Life is short, if your mom dies tomorrow you know you'll be sad. And then will you regret not talking to her? We only get one mother and we have to pass under her feet to get to jannah, whether she's Muslim or not. Love, T
Hope things work out well for you and your mother. I know family can be so frustrating at times. Hugs!
Abu Abdullah...
I thought about what you said and your right. I will try and develop more patience and hope that she does decide to accept me as I am. Your right about the Prophet (PBUH). Insh'Allah things will improve.
anthrogeek10
Chiara...its my mom's evangelical nonsense that is getting under my skin.
Tara...your right. I will try. :) If I am patient, it will show my mom how Muslims can forgive Insh'Allah.
Suzanne--thank you...family takes patience at times.
Oh, that again. I think I told you that I know a therapist whose evangelical mother drives her crazy, and even intercepts patient phone calls and tells them they don't need therapy they should just put their faith in Jesus.
You must be an irresistible challenge for your mother, in her role as an evangelizer, and mother both. Hopefully you will find a way to not let it bother you so much. In this way it may be a test of your Muslim faith which strengthens it.
Tiff- Masha'Allah that's the right attitude. I knew you had it in you to forgive her. Holding a grudge makes no sense, it just eats you up inside. Insha'Allah you'll find peace and tranquility forgiving her. May Allah reward you with a generous rizq for forgiving your mom and may He guide her to Islam ameen.
:( Well, I had a period of time where I wasn't speaking with my mom either ... but then worked it up to writing letters at least so she knows what's going on in my life. That's as far as I think it'll go with my mom though - it sounds like you're closer to your mom than I am with mine.
I agree with the others, try to keep the lines of communication open at least.
Maybe minimize situations where she gets under your skin...
Chiara--irresistable is right! LOL Yeah--you told that story and my mom is the same. Thanks for your comment.:)
Tara--it ain't easy girl. I am trying. Insh'Allah. My sister calls her the devils spawn. I do not think with that intensity.
Anyur--Yeah--you may have the right idea....
Devil's spawn? Wow lol
My mom called me on my birthday. I picked up the phone and had a pleasant convo with her. It is easier to forgive...and shows her how Muslims can act.
Salaam,
Yeah Tara--that is nasty of my sister. I do not think like that as I mentioned.
anthrogeek10
Am glad your mom called and wished you, btw belated happy birthday...
One thing i learnt from my life is Mothers can be utterly wrong, they may also end up ruining their children lives but they would always love you. Though at times they may have more rage than required but they would always forget it.
I wish my mother accepts my wife whole heartedly she is still racist to my wife and is very very cold to her when ever she speaks to her, this is really preventing me from further developing the relationship.
Abu Abdullah,
Salaam...
Thats a real shame and I am sorry about that. I assume your wife would love to develop a close relationship with your mom and that must be painful. In your culture in particular, as in the MENA region, family plays a big part in the social fabric of the society such as respect for parents and elders. I do hope it gets better for you!
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was so nice to hear from my dad.My dad and I talk alot.
anthrogeek10
Tiff- That's great alhamdulillah :-)
Good about your mom and you taking the high road. One survival tactic is to respond in kind: she is kind so are you; she snubs you, you wait til she comes around; etc.
Hopefully common courtesies and normal rituals will help you maintain your relationship through the difficult times.
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